Letters to My Younger Self – “Not So Perfect, You”

This is part of a series. All contributing letters come from readers of Uprooted & Undone. To join the collaboration, email mariangreen5@gmail.com.

 

Long time no nothing!  I know life is always so busy for you, constantly going 100mph.  When’s the last time you were able to take a breather, get a good night’s rest so you can actually function the next day?  How long are you going to keep up your super student/good daughter facade?  It’s not that bad if you want to take a step back, breathe, and take a power nap. It is alright if you need to re-evaluate the priority of your family, friends, and free time.

Life doesn’t have to feel like a constant pressure cooker. You’re too hard on yourself.  Just remember we’re human. Not perfect.

Why don’t you venture out and express yourself like you want to? “Parents,” you say. But you’re on your own now, a fully grown adult.  It is time to stop citing them as the reason you’ve chosen certain things. It is time to stop hiding your decisions from them so that you can do “normal” things like date the guy you’re in love with, or even something as simple as being yourself without them micromanaging your behavior.

Yes, I know rumors are out there, and they hurt. Their magnitude increases in light of the façade of your perfection you have yet to remove.  I hear these rumors embarrassed your parents. I know these rumors angered you. You need to let go of the hidden life. Or you must muster enough courage to be transparent with people. This will give you freedom. This will allow you to live your life.

It is true. You were sheltered. And as a sheltered young woman, you still feel dependent on your parents to define what is “right” and “wrong” in this world. You are nervous to step into gray areas.

But please hear me now. I want you to find a way to extinguish that anger and pessimism toward people. Remove the barrier from being able to really connect.

Now is the time to take a breath and reduce your risk for an aneurysm. You speak of chains—of feeling trapped. You struggle, wrists swollen—as you fear they keep you from pursuing your role in this world.

Have you considered this? Have you wondered if the chains might serve a purpose of their own? That you aren’t trapped. You can live a life where others see you as vibrant and passionate—as others see you as you see yourself.

Have you ever wonder if the squeeze you feel around you isn’t from chains at all, but from the hands of God as He grips you so you won’t fall? He knows you, He cares for you. And His grip protects you from making hasty decisions. Rushed decisions will land you in situations you think you can deal with, but can’t.

Take that breath and really seek Him. Turn to Him see what He pleads of you—the One whose hands hold onto your wrists. Ask Him, engage in conversation with your parents. Let the anger and hurt disappear, I want you to find peace again.

Love, Me.

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