What qualifies a woman to write a book on sex and intimacy? How many times a month should my husband and I be ‘engaged’ in order for you to believe I have the credibility to steer your marriage bed in the right direction?
I can tell you one thing: if I asked my husband, his answer would be, “more than last month, babe.”
And he would probably be right.
But I’m not looking for the algorithm on how to please my man. I can’t tell you if some things are alright in bed while others aren’t. I can’t tell you that our bedroom is always a haven and never a battle ground.
All I can say is that two years ago I finally spoke these words to a man whose face blanched and fist clutched his chest as he received them: “By the way, honey, I think I’m tired of sex.”
He didn’t die. And his shock kept him silent so I could finish my thought.
“There has to be something more,” I announced, “something we’re missing.”
“We can try again tonight and see,” he offered sacrificially.
“No, no, no. You’re not hearing me. I mean there has to be more to intimacy than just sex.”
He didn’t have to respond because I could read his thoughts as if they were typed in a word bubble above his head. Like lingerie? Or a change in physical “arrangement”? Ooh, I just found a Brazilian music station on Pandora.
More to intimacy than just sex.
It had to be true, I could feel it. Or maybe I needed it to be true and I was desperate.
Either way, my husband flipped channels more than usual that night as I dove into scripture instead of into bed.
I told you. Perfection doesn’t qualify me to write this book.
CHAPTER ONE: Bad Girl’s Guide to Intimacy
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