Atrophy

Photo by Jane Crow

Today it’s just a girl and her God.

And: How can I be lonely with You? Is it wrong? Does it hurt?
And if I was alone in this world, just a girl and her God, would I go mad without another to talk to? Isn’t that your design…Isn’t that the crown of glory on Eve’s presence into this world?
I retreat, Lord. You created me to connect and I do–sometimes–but I have always loved to run. Far. Far from connection, afraid that I have shown too much of myself–that I am naked in the garden.
And it scares me.
I cancel coffees, I delete profiles, I let the phone calls go straight to voice mail. And I hurt. The muscles that extend my hand toward others and the tendons that plant my feet in the direction of community atrophy, Lord, and their stiffness is like rot to a corpse created for life.
Decay in my heart.
Breathe life into me.
That beautiful breath that sends dust swirling through the air as tendrils of hair in the vortex of a storm, molecules pulled together until toes and fingers take shape at the very same moment. Breath that creates balance for all. I find myself in the stillness, in the silence before You, I find the woman you created me to be–but she is but a stroke of paint on the canvas of creation, God.
I know it to be true in the marrow of my bones–
we are a single masterpiece, to be admired in unison.
Breathe that life-balancing-breath into me and teach me, Lord, where to find that energy required to form bonds. Because, I admit, at times I am addicted to the explosive release that comes when they are broken.
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2 thoughts on “Atrophy

  1. Wow, I could have written this! I realize it was almost one year ago, but I have visited this place in my life many times! Thanks for listening to God and sharing!

    1. Oh my goodness, I know! Sometimes I revisit this post just to remember and reflect. It’s a favorite and you are SO right..a place I revisit more than I’d like! 🙂 Thank you for taking time to encourage and comment. Have a gorgeous Thursday!

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